Where does the time go?

The reflection of one's self is not always the best. When looking back at all that you have accomplished, over came, and then stride for, it can become a little overwhelming. We can see ourselves through others eyes and we can also see who were are through our own. Reflecting back on when this journey started for me, it was one that caused much heartache. There was this story inside of me that I wanted to tell, but never thought it would get real far. My past flowed onto pages and my present life was starting to unfold onto this book. There was never any real doubt that I wouldn't pour my heart and soul into anything I did, I just didn't know if I could. 

Most of the time, I find inspiration in telling others that they can live their dreams, they can accomplish anything they set their hearts to, all the while I live in self-doubt believing that I won't be able to accomplish my own. The first time that I saw one of my books hit the best seller list on Amazon, it was mind blowing. The book was poorly written because I didn't know how to write. (Still not sure I do. Haha.) Yet, people were seeing themselves in these characters that I had made. There's a real truth behind the books. There's a piece of my soul out there, that I never thought anyone would know, yet I wrote it out for the whole world to read. That alone was hard to do. 

When it comes to people reading what I write or just reading my every day nonsense, there's something inside of me that tells me to keep going... Maybe being so hard on myself is what drives me to keep pushing, to do better, to be anything but the person I was. See, we all do bad shit in our lives, and we all have hurt someone somehow some way... I just never understood how hurt I was till the stories came out. The sad part is, half of my family has never read a book I have wrote. (There's 3 currently available.) and some may never read them... That part is what drives me yet keeps me down. You see, there's characters in the book who mimic my family members, my friends, my life, but maybe the real world wrote out in black and white is too hard for them. They don't want to see the woman I became because for some reason they believe that the life they thought I had wasn't what it was. When you start writing out a make believable world with twists and turns, that's exactly what it is. Make believe, but when you feel something from that passion that you bleed out into paper that's where it becomes real. 

Many times, the questions are asked.. Does this character represent someone you know? Did this really happen? In some things the answer is yes, on others no, it's just a story. When I wrote Charming I wanted to tell a love story about a girl who had come from a broken home but love healed her heart... As the story grew so much more came from that. 

Writing this last book for the Charming series is taking a toll on me. Unsure of how it ends, unsure of where the story goes, and will her heart ever truly be whole. My life is wrote into a novel of a beautiful chaotic world... and now I have to find out, what am I truly made of. 

Stay tuned because the best is yet to come. 

This song is going to be on the playlist... because the lyrics ring loud and clear for me. Hope you find that in this journey we are all on, that someone, that something gives you purpose, gives you hope, and above all... GIVES YOU LOVE! 

Why the hell do we bother?

Blogging... It's supposed to be the way to get people to hear your stories, to hear your words of wisdom, or better yet, to read what you are selling.

When I started blogging all I knew was that I was just going to talk about the most random bull-shit and if people read what I wrote, awesome, if not... Well... Then I guess that would be something I had to deal with. It's been literally months since I have blogged. When going through things in your life you either share these issues or you don't. I chose not too. Maybe because I'm a private person in some way, or maybe because there wasn't a way for me to not sound like I was pissed off all the time. Either way... I didn't blog.

Lately, there's been a change in me.... No longer being the kid on the sideline, no longer being the door mat that I have felt I had been for so long. Something inside of me decided no more. I hide behind a screen, I wrote about my issues in my books, and then sat back and just laid there taking whatever may come. In my life, I have never claimed to be perfect, hell, even great at anything, but the common misunderstanding from others is that I didn't care how they treated me. It does, it did, but now... Now, 'they' can say whatever they would like, because honestly my give it a shit meter broke.

People, friends, even family can make you  doubt yourself every single day. Whether it's about my career I chose, my parenting, my marriage, you name it, people have an opinion. Often, I listened to all of their opinions of me, and let it rule my heart. The outside said I was fine, the inside cried... No longer could I stand by and let this keep going on.

Raising two daughters, there's a part of me, that wants to show them that the world is your oyster. Take it by storm and do whatever you can to be the best person you could be... But how could I teach that when I was letting people walk all over me and just saying, "Well, that's just how they are." Please! You are an asshole and you treat people like that because it made you feel better about yourself. No more for me... NO MORE!

I am on a journey of getting healthy, inside and out. If that means having to take a step back from the ones who have hurt me or ever made me feel not good enough... Then BYE, Felicia. (Haha)
There has to be a point in our lives where stand up for ourselves, stand for something. No longer letting the 'naysayers' get the best of you. No longer letting the ones who continually hurt you do so. This has to be something we find within ourselves. People turn to all kinds of things to heal their broken hearts. Alcohol, drugs, food, you name it... We let it heal us for that short time. Hell, people turn to religion thinking that will solve all their problems, and maybe for some it does. Just not me.

Somewhere along this journey you have to stand up for yourself. You have to fight the fight even if no one is on your side. Because you are your own worst enemy at times.


So, now that I have "bitched" about the why's of why I haven't been myself, it's time to share the realization of what my life is truly like. I am overweight, 30 something year old woman, who has always put others first, because that's what I thought I should do. Like I said before at some point in your life you have to take a stand for YOU! That doesn't mean you stop caring for others, it means you start caring about yourself too. This journey we call life has many roads, often we take the one that everyone else takes.. Why lead when we can just follow the sheep? I don't want to be the sheep anymore, I want to be the WOLF! I want to be the leader of my own life, and that's exactly what is going to happen. If you are struggling in your life, then believe me, you are not alone. Every day can be struggle, but if we take the chance to follow the road less traveled then maybe we will find out what we really are made of. Often we let others cut us down, cut us so severely that we don't know if we will bleed out or not.... But somewhere along the way, we have to decide to stop covering up the scars of their words and their actions, stop putting a band-aid over it and let that cut bleed... Till you say ENOUGH!

When people take a stand for something they believe in, as in themselves, you will see that those who have hurt you, will eventually turn away from you. If they can't make you feel like they did then they will turn, they always do.(These are the sheep trying to be wolves.)
We are often taught to turn the other cheek, but sometimes, you have to stand there and take it. Then you have to walk away with your head held high knowing that you no longer would be their punching bag so to speak.

We have to believe in ourselves. That's the first step. If you want to change who you are, then this is they key to open the door. Find out what you really are made of.
As the saying goes.. If you fall for everything you will never stand for anything. Stand TALL, Stand Proud, and be all means.... Be YOU! Be proud of how far you have came, be proud of what you have endured and let the scars show.. That's who you are, that's what makes you, you!

This may actually be the longest blog post I have ever done.. But this was something that I needed to say. I often tell others that they can be themselves, but never did that for myself. Today, that changes.... For me, for you...

Thank you for reading this and taking the time out of your day. If you are struggling with where you are, then make the decision to change and what you let happen in your life. Be proud of who you are.
-Dee-

People don't think

  I know this is a strange title, but it's true. I think people believe they can be invincible and that nothing will happen to them for their actions. Unfortunately, most of the time the person who doesn't do anything is the one who gets the backlash. I think people feel like they can treat others however they want, and nothing will happen to them. I truly hope that's not the case. We should treat others how we want to be treated. We want to know that when you do something wrong it comes back to you. How do people just treat others like trash, and throw them to the wayside to further their intentions? It becomes a trust issue. How do you learn to trust others when all you ever see is the bad they could do to you? I don't want to live in that fear all the time. I don't want to always have to worry that someone is "out to get me" so to speak.

    Everyone gets "burned" at one point by someone. Whether it be a friend, boss, or even a family member. We learn to love again, and yet we hold back on who we really are so that no one can hurt us again. You think you know someone, but you find out that you really never did. I know it seems like this is a sad blog post, but I am hoping that others read this, seeing that we can overcome the issue's in our lives. We have to learn to love and trust. We have to learn to let go of what others have done to us. We have to learn that WE have the right to be WHO we want to be! I often say that we need to be ourselves. This post is no different than that. I don't care what race, sexual preference you are.. if you are a good person to others than that's all that matters. I think we are often judged before people even know us. Some people are just rude and disturbing. Stay away from the negative. Find the light in the one's around you, look for the light in others. Don't look at them as if they have 3 heads, try to learn from the diversity.

We will all go through trials in our lives, it's how we deal with them that sets us apart. Be strong! Be you! Be BOLD! -XOXO- Dee King Author