Where does the time go?

The reflection of one's self is not always the best. When looking back at all that you have accomplished, over came, and then stride for, it can become a little overwhelming. We can see ourselves through others eyes and we can also see who were are through our own. Reflecting back on when this journey started for me, it was one that caused much heartache. There was this story inside of me that I wanted to tell, but never thought it would get real far. My past flowed onto pages and my present life was starting to unfold onto this book. There was never any real doubt that I wouldn't pour my heart and soul into anything I did, I just didn't know if I could. 

Most of the time, I find inspiration in telling others that they can live their dreams, they can accomplish anything they set their hearts to, all the while I live in self-doubt believing that I won't be able to accomplish my own. The first time that I saw one of my books hit the best seller list on Amazon, it was mind blowing. The book was poorly written because I didn't know how to write. (Still not sure I do. Haha.) Yet, people were seeing themselves in these characters that I had made. There's a real truth behind the books. There's a piece of my soul out there, that I never thought anyone would know, yet I wrote it out for the whole world to read. That alone was hard to do. 

When it comes to people reading what I write or just reading my every day nonsense, there's something inside of me that tells me to keep going... Maybe being so hard on myself is what drives me to keep pushing, to do better, to be anything but the person I was. See, we all do bad shit in our lives, and we all have hurt someone somehow some way... I just never understood how hurt I was till the stories came out. The sad part is, half of my family has never read a book I have wrote. (There's 3 currently available.) and some may never read them... That part is what drives me yet keeps me down. You see, there's characters in the book who mimic my family members, my friends, my life, but maybe the real world wrote out in black and white is too hard for them. They don't want to see the woman I became because for some reason they believe that the life they thought I had wasn't what it was. When you start writing out a make believable world with twists and turns, that's exactly what it is. Make believe, but when you feel something from that passion that you bleed out into paper that's where it becomes real. 

Many times, the questions are asked.. Does this character represent someone you know? Did this really happen? In some things the answer is yes, on others no, it's just a story. When I wrote Charming I wanted to tell a love story about a girl who had come from a broken home but love healed her heart... As the story grew so much more came from that. 

Writing this last book for the Charming series is taking a toll on me. Unsure of how it ends, unsure of where the story goes, and will her heart ever truly be whole. My life is wrote into a novel of a beautiful chaotic world... and now I have to find out, what am I truly made of. 

Stay tuned because the best is yet to come. 

This song is going to be on the playlist... because the lyrics ring loud and clear for me. Hope you find that in this journey we are all on, that someone, that something gives you purpose, gives you hope, and above all... GIVES YOU LOVE! 

Empathy and the lack of...

Empathy... Seems to be a word that many people seem to not have or even understand lately.

Everyone is bashing each other, never trying to come to a peaceful place, the more rude you can be seems to be the only way to go now-a-days. Don't even get me started on people pushing their agenda on you, whether it's religion or politics, they don't care as long as you see their side and then agree.

It's not that I'm just now noticing, it just seems to be more out in the open lately. Everyone seems to be out for number one, and the hell with others. This is something I just don't understand. Sure, we all have our own opinions, sure, we all have our own thoughts, but sometimes, we shouldn't voice them to every single person on the internet.
(Believe me I know the back lash that sentence could receive...)
Get a grasp people, on reality, the world doesn't just revolve around you and your opinions.

Take this morning for instance, scrolling through my social media, finding a story from a news channel, I decide to read it. After reading the article, I decide to read the comments. WOW! People were bashing each other for race, gender, their beliefs and it was literally one of the moments I thought... When is it enough?

Everyone complains, everyone seems to hate others who aren't like them, and better yet, if you're not like them, by all means please bully the shit out of them, because you feel the need to be superior. Are you serious with this nonsense? It's not just strangers, it's people I know, too. The politics of our government have become such a strain on relationships and friendships that it seems to be pulling people apart. How sad is that? If you don't agree with what they think, then for whatever reason, you're the stupid one? It just seems to be so much HATE lately. There used to be times where people would agree to disagree... I hardly ever see that anymore.

Another example I find more and more is the fact if you can't do something for someone else then they don't have a need for you. It seems to be very popular to have multiple "followers" or "friends" but in reality... No one cares about those people unless they meet or know them. (If we are keeping this even more real, people will "friend" you, and in public avoid you like they don't know you. WTH?) Hell, I'm even guilty of doing that with others at times. For me, I know why they "friend" me, and it's not because of this winning personalty I have. (Hahaha.. it's all because of my name having author in it, and that's ridiculous.) I actually enjoy getting to know people, I have made some wonderful "internet" friends and am very lucky to have those relationships. BUT there is something about people being able to share their opinion and then it turns out that's not what people want... They want your opinion to match theirs, if not... You're OUT!

It used to be that we welcomed each others differences, now there's some kind of me, me, me, mentality and the hell with others. That saddens me to no end. I believe that everyone is unique but you didn't have to be an asshole about it to get your point across. You also don't have to just worry about your self all the time, trying caring about others too. Why is this concept so damn hard for people?

Maybe, I'm getting to the point where I'm becoming immune to the world we live in. Maybe there's some part of me that just wishes everyone would just try to get along... But that's not a world I know. That's not the world anyone knows anymore. Why has everyone become so self absorbed? Of course you should care about you and yours, but why not care about others too? There's a part of me that now sees that caring for others is becoming pointless, because they don't care as much as I do.
Why put your heart out there if no one else is going to do the same for you? This is the mentality of what I see. Damn, just writing that sentence is freaking sad.


Don't get me wrong, people care, people want to care, but it seems very hard to show that these days. Maybe I'm just becoming more aware of how much I care and how much I wish everyone could at least agree to disagree. Or maybe they could show it more? But that seems like a far fetched idea as of today. Between the politics, the drama of others lives, and the point to be always right, seems to outweigh the good people want to do. Everyone's looking for that "pat on the back" so to speak, and that angers me more than anything at times. You should care, because you should be trying to be a good person, not because you need people to praise you. Pull it together people! In these times, shouldn't we care about everyone no matter what race, sex, political position, they have? Nope... people don't want that here. They want to be the bullies, they want to blame everything on someone else, and god forbid anyone to speak up about it, because the amount of "hate" you will get back is beyond ridiculous.


This post isn't about the fact that people can't get along, it's about people not caring for others anymore. Back to the article I read this morning, people blamed someone just for where they believed they were from... Then someone brought up the gun control issue and that person was bashed by others for writing their opinion. Why even say anything anymore when people have this need to always be right? Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough? Do you stand up for yourself and say that you have had enough or do you just keep sitting back biting your tongue? That's where I'm at with this today... In my books, the heroine is always fighting for what she believes and how she wants to change the world for the better even if she doesn't know how. Even though I write fiction, there's some piece of me in these characters. IN a perfect world, everyone would at least try to care for one another regardless of who, where, how you came to be here... But for now.. I will just share my thoughts here, because in the end... We can only do so much till we can't anymore.... 

Why the hell do we bother?

Blogging... It's supposed to be the way to get people to hear your stories, to hear your words of wisdom, or better yet, to read what you are selling.

When I started blogging all I knew was that I was just going to talk about the most random bull-shit and if people read what I wrote, awesome, if not... Well... Then I guess that would be something I had to deal with. It's been literally months since I have blogged. When going through things in your life you either share these issues or you don't. I chose not too. Maybe because I'm a private person in some way, or maybe because there wasn't a way for me to not sound like I was pissed off all the time. Either way... I didn't blog.

Lately, there's been a change in me.... No longer being the kid on the sideline, no longer being the door mat that I have felt I had been for so long. Something inside of me decided no more. I hide behind a screen, I wrote about my issues in my books, and then sat back and just laid there taking whatever may come. In my life, I have never claimed to be perfect, hell, even great at anything, but the common misunderstanding from others is that I didn't care how they treated me. It does, it did, but now... Now, 'they' can say whatever they would like, because honestly my give it a shit meter broke.

People, friends, even family can make you  doubt yourself every single day. Whether it's about my career I chose, my parenting, my marriage, you name it, people have an opinion. Often, I listened to all of their opinions of me, and let it rule my heart. The outside said I was fine, the inside cried... No longer could I stand by and let this keep going on.

Raising two daughters, there's a part of me, that wants to show them that the world is your oyster. Take it by storm and do whatever you can to be the best person you could be... But how could I teach that when I was letting people walk all over me and just saying, "Well, that's just how they are." Please! You are an asshole and you treat people like that because it made you feel better about yourself. No more for me... NO MORE!

I am on a journey of getting healthy, inside and out. If that means having to take a step back from the ones who have hurt me or ever made me feel not good enough... Then BYE, Felicia. (Haha)
There has to be a point in our lives where stand up for ourselves, stand for something. No longer letting the 'naysayers' get the best of you. No longer letting the ones who continually hurt you do so. This has to be something we find within ourselves. People turn to all kinds of things to heal their broken hearts. Alcohol, drugs, food, you name it... We let it heal us for that short time. Hell, people turn to religion thinking that will solve all their problems, and maybe for some it does. Just not me.

Somewhere along this journey you have to stand up for yourself. You have to fight the fight even if no one is on your side. Because you are your own worst enemy at times.


So, now that I have "bitched" about the why's of why I haven't been myself, it's time to share the realization of what my life is truly like. I am overweight, 30 something year old woman, who has always put others first, because that's what I thought I should do. Like I said before at some point in your life you have to take a stand for YOU! That doesn't mean you stop caring for others, it means you start caring about yourself too. This journey we call life has many roads, often we take the one that everyone else takes.. Why lead when we can just follow the sheep? I don't want to be the sheep anymore, I want to be the WOLF! I want to be the leader of my own life, and that's exactly what is going to happen. If you are struggling in your life, then believe me, you are not alone. Every day can be struggle, but if we take the chance to follow the road less traveled then maybe we will find out what we really are made of. Often we let others cut us down, cut us so severely that we don't know if we will bleed out or not.... But somewhere along the way, we have to decide to stop covering up the scars of their words and their actions, stop putting a band-aid over it and let that cut bleed... Till you say ENOUGH!

When people take a stand for something they believe in, as in themselves, you will see that those who have hurt you, will eventually turn away from you. If they can't make you feel like they did then they will turn, they always do.(These are the sheep trying to be wolves.)
We are often taught to turn the other cheek, but sometimes, you have to stand there and take it. Then you have to walk away with your head held high knowing that you no longer would be their punching bag so to speak.

We have to believe in ourselves. That's the first step. If you want to change who you are, then this is they key to open the door. Find out what you really are made of.
As the saying goes.. If you fall for everything you will never stand for anything. Stand TALL, Stand Proud, and be all means.... Be YOU! Be proud of how far you have came, be proud of what you have endured and let the scars show.. That's who you are, that's what makes you, you!

This may actually be the longest blog post I have ever done.. But this was something that I needed to say. I often tell others that they can be themselves, but never did that for myself. Today, that changes.... For me, for you...

Thank you for reading this and taking the time out of your day. If you are struggling with where you are, then make the decision to change and what you let happen in your life. Be proud of who you are.
-Dee-

A little bit of me..

Where you find happiness in breaking others down I find sadness..
Where you chose to be ungrateful I find gratitude..
Where you leave a nasty mark, I leave a smile..
Where you chose to hide behind a mask, I show my face..
Where you chose to live a life to follow others, I chose to lead a life less followed..

A little bit of me hides behind the walls I have built for myself..
You chose to try to break those down, while breaking me..
A little bit of me chooses whether to accept or deny the real you..
You chose to feel pain, and I chose to feel joy.
A little bit of me loves a little bit more each day..
You chose to turn love into pain..
A little bit of me is deciding my fate today..
You may chose to be here or not.. But ultimately..
I chose to have a little bit of me happy, then in the dark place you would like me...

-Dee King-

Never Forget

No words needed... This was the day that will forever be remembered that brought America to it's knees...
Today, I take a moment of silence for the ones who died this day, and for the ones who give their lives every day for me to have the rights I have! Thank you to all who have gave their lives, and I promise I won't let the world forget!