The reflection of one's self is not always the best. When looking back at all that you have accomplished, over came, and then stride for, it can become a little overwhelming. We can see ourselves through others eyes and we can also see who were are through our own. Reflecting back on when this journey started for me, it was one that caused much heartache. There was this story inside of me that I wanted to tell, but never thought it would get real far. My past flowed onto pages and my present life was starting to unfold onto this book. There was never any real doubt that I wouldn't pour my heart and soul into anything I did, I just didn't know if I could.
Most of the time, I find inspiration in telling others that they can live their dreams, they can accomplish anything they set their hearts to, all the while I live in self-doubt believing that I won't be able to accomplish my own. The first time that I saw one of my books hit the best seller list on Amazon, it was mind blowing. The book was poorly written because I didn't know how to write. (Still not sure I do. Haha.) Yet, people were seeing themselves in these characters that I had made. There's a real truth behind the books. There's a piece of my soul out there, that I never thought anyone would know, yet I wrote it out for the whole world to read. That alone was hard to do.
When it comes to people reading what I write or just reading my every day nonsense, there's something inside of me that tells me to keep going... Maybe being so hard on myself is what drives me to keep pushing, to do better, to be anything but the person I was. See, we all do bad shit in our lives, and we all have hurt someone somehow some way... I just never understood how hurt I was till the stories came out. The sad part is, half of my family has never read a book I have wrote. (There's 3 currently available.) and some may never read them... That part is what drives me yet keeps me down. You see, there's characters in the book who mimic my family members, my friends, my life, but maybe the real world wrote out in black and white is too hard for them. They don't want to see the woman I became because for some reason they believe that the life they thought I had wasn't what it was. When you start writing out a make believable world with twists and turns, that's exactly what it is. Make believe, but when you feel something from that passion that you bleed out into paper that's where it becomes real.
Many times, the questions are asked.. Does this character represent someone you know? Did this really happen? In some things the answer is yes, on others no, it's just a story. When I wrote Charming I wanted to tell a love story about a girl who had come from a broken home but love healed her heart... As the story grew so much more came from that.
Writing this last book for the Charming series is taking a toll on me. Unsure of how it ends, unsure of where the story goes, and will her heart ever truly be whole. My life is wrote into a novel of a beautiful chaotic world... and now I have to find out, what am I truly made of.
Stay tuned because the best is yet to come.
This song is going to be on the playlist... because the lyrics ring loud and clear for me. Hope you find that in this journey we are all on, that someone, that something gives you purpose, gives you hope, and above all... GIVES YOU LOVE!
